I mentioned in the last post that I was moving right along with the book challenge this year. I've now read 5 books toward the challenge...in a little over a month. Which may be an 'adult' record for me.
I haven't been posting titles and reviews here because I do that on Goodreads. But this one...and the thoughts/emotions that it evoked in me...I felt needed some space here.
This book, a memoir from a conflict photographer, had been getting rave reviews on goodreads the past year. I added it to the list and grabbed a copy before coming north but I honestly wasn't sure it was going to be something I would enjoy. I like photography, but war- and conflict- photography isn't what I'm drawn to and honestly, I get so depressed with the news that anything showing how bad it is in the Middle East or Africa or here or...well, I avoid it. But I'm branching out with my book challenge and decided to give it a try.
Here's part of the review I wrote on Goodreads: I finished reading this late last night and I think I can say I've never had a book just rip at my emotions the way this one did. And there are a few reasons for that... I always have appreciated the power of a photograph -- the raw emotions that can be captured. But often that photograph is paired with a news story and so the story behind what it took to get the photograph and how it affected the person behind the camera are missing. In my opinion, that's the power of this book. Second -- I've never thought about what it takes to get these shots that grace the big time news outlets and I can't even begin to describe the respect I feel toward people so passionate about making sure that the truth gets told -- that the world knows what is really going on and not what politicians want you to know -- that they will risk their lives for it. And finally -- reading about the censorship, about the dilution, caused my blood to boil. Certainly I'm not naive enough to think it doesn't happen, particularly in a time of war...but in this case, again, having the story and the photos to accompany specific examples was gut-wrenching.
What I didn't write was that this book started me thinking about whether there is anything in my life that I am as passionate about as this photographer is about capturing what is really going on and sharing it with the world. That 'risk your life to do it' and 'don't feel whole without it' kind of passion. And the fact that an answer didn't leap out to me instantly has led to a lot of self-reflection over the past couple of days. Not in a critical sense, or a judgemental sense, but in a thoughtful sense.
I am passionate about wildlife and about nature -- which should equate to being passionate about my job and it doesn't anymore. As with most jobs, the politics of mine has sucked the enthusiasm out of me. I'd like to say I'm passionate about creating and yet the time I spend doing it would suggest otherwise. What is that saying: We make time to do the things we love? Certainly, when one fights depression, there is some complexity added to that statement. In addition, I have a very demanding job and a rather unorthodox life with my fieldwork that adds even more complexity, but those excuses can only go so far. I can go months or years without doing something I think I love. I've been picking up my camera more, reading more, knitting more, and slowly easing back into art. And in the process, I had been thinking about how I dabble. I dabble in pencil sketching and dabble in paper cutting and dabble in photography and dabble... You get the picture. And so I've been wondering why that is? Why haven't I found that one creative outlet that I am passionate about? But then I ask -- why do I think it is necessary to find just one?
I'm still ruminating on all this. Whether a passion like the author of this book displays is healthy or not -- so should I be concerned that when I ask myself what I'm passionate about, nothing immediately leaps to mind. This author's passion for conflict photography takes priority over her family and friends, over everything. I would wager that it's for this reason, although certainly in combination with her talent, that she has earned such success. And yet I waiver back and forth on whether I respect that or whether I think it's a selfish trait.
Thoughts?
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Now playing: Merry Go Round by Antje Duvekot
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Oh!! Passion is a thing I think about a lot. Part of me is frustrated with the current obsession with passion - we tell our children to 'find their passion' don't live 'without passion'. To me those are also the adrenalin junkies and the entrepreneurs. I celebrate them and their spirit, but I don't need to aspire to it. I am good with living my quiet, beautiful, messy life. I am ok without a grand passion. I like my life. And I don't want to see my son waiting around half his life trying to find his passion.
ReplyDeleteBut .... for those who do feel passion deeply, who do live life large, then I get it. I get the need to feel passionately about what you do. And we need those people in the world to take the Photo of the Year, to build the next 'thing', to start the next great business. Instead of passion, how about we encourage people to be true to themselves? That is what I aspire to, and I am finally, in my 40s, feeling like I'm getting the hang of it.
(PS Long week-end coming up and I am in a letter-writing mood. Just saying' :) )
I agree with most of what you've said. And like you, I typically equate high passion to adrenaline junkies... But that generality doesn't hold either. I know folks that lead quiet lives, but are completely passionate about what they do. My husband, despite all the political crap we endure, still remains 100% passionate about what we do. I'm certainly not an adrenaline junkie, but it's these other folks...that's who I wonder if they are doing something 'right'. It's interesting to reflect on so thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Deleteps -- I'm excited that your long weekend may be a letter-writing weekend, but if Canadian Post goes on strike, I will be without any way to send or receive mail until this is resolved...which is problematic for work but unfortunate for personal! ;(
I've absolutely thought about this topic before, but I don't think I've reached a conclusion. I have had periods of wanting to be that person who is entirely focused in one area, but then I realize it's just not me. I like balance. I'm always striving for it and never getting it quite right. I know that sort of single focused passion would suck the life out of me because I'd feel out of balance. But sometimes I wonder if I could lead a completely different life and still be happy. Maybe that life could actually be a single-passion life. One thing I've learned is that I'm surprised by my life over and over again. I'm always questioning those things I know 'for sure'. Wow. That was a ramble... :)
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you and I share similar ideas about this topic! That idea of balance...wow, is that a tricky one. I think my incessant need for it was one of the things that drove me into depression year after year. And then I read something equating balance to yoga and something finally clicked...They said to think of 'life' balance just like pose 'balance. One is physical but they represent the same thing. In yoga you may be able to achieve balance for a brief time but since everything is always in motion, you can never hold it indefinitely. I'm not as poetic as what I read, but maybe you get the drift?
DeleteI too am surprised often and always learning. Sometimes that frustrates me but other times I'm able to acknowledge that's a good thing! Thanks for your ramble. ;)
Yes, it does seem we have similar ideas in this area. I like what you're saying about yoga and balance. Nice comparison. Wise. Holding on to balance steadily and indefinitely just isn't possible. It's a relief to think of it this way. Thank you.
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