Ah. What in the heck happened to the last 6 months??? It's that time of year again. I'm leaving for Canada in less than 2 weeks and trying (in vain mind you) to finish all those things I wanted to get done this winter but didn't (work and personal things) because I have this ridiculous notion that when I go into the field, it's the end of the world (that said, for some things, it is...by definition, there are just some things I can't do when living in that situation). The stress is creeping in. Okay, actually the stress has BLOWN in and I'm now at the point in my 'journey' of being able to notice the havoc it causes in my body...
a low back that this winter, for the first time in >7 years, hasn't needed constant attention by a chiropractor, acupuncturist or both is suddenly back to acting up...
shoulders that have finally remained loose and relaxed for months are now slowly edging back up to my ears in my classic 'stress' position and I am typing this with some pretty severe pain in that area...
a mind that (for the most part) was able to quiet, to let things go, to be positive, to work through rather than fight against this winter...that mind is certainly not quiet right now, certainly not positive, and back to fighting against.
so I'm here, reminding myself every day that everything is okay, with the hopes that it will sink in.
it's okay that I didn't get x, y, and z done (although really, it's more like a, b, c,...x, y, z!). I certainly got a crap-load of other 'letters' done! so maybe don't push every single minute of every single day until I leave because it's not really a good idea to start the field season in exhaustion mode? yes.
it's okay to feel this stress at this time of year but notice it and maybe don't let it take quite such a strong hold.
it's okay to be anxious but there is no point in stressing about what hasn't happened yet (I caught myself the other day working myself into a full-blown panic about calving and sickness and how to deal with all that when in reality, those bad years like last year don't happen very often...no sense in worrying until it does and frankly, while so very hard at the time, I CAN handle it).
And with those thoughts down, more to myself than anyone...
I hope to post one more time before I head out because it hasn't been all stress and tension and sprinting...it's been an amazingly beautiful spring capture effort...it's been visiting with dear friends...it's been spinning and knitting...cooking... All captured on 'film' and ready to be shared.
Until then...tell me: what have you been up to lately?
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Now playing: Fool For Love by Lord Huron (just found this artist yesterday and I can't stop listening!).
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Tuesday, April 28, 2015
8 comments:
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Been thinking about you and how quickly field season is approaching. I was hoping to get ONE more visit with you before you head north, but I guess that won't happen. I've been birding, traveling, geocaching, gardening, weaving, knitting, spinning and providing a comfortable place for the kitties to rest (on me). I'm enjoying watching the seasons change in my new environment. Remember to BREATH.....
ReplyDeleteHopefully a quick visit isn't out of the question...we'll talk later this week! It sounds like you have been keeping busy doing all the things you love...I'm so glad to hear it! You are an inspiration to me on so many levels...know that.
DeleteI am trying to breathe... some days more sucessful than others! ;)
Do you have to go into the field? I'd like you to be able to have a relaxed back, loose shoulders, and a quiet mind. Good to know there has been beauty lately as well. Cheers to the soothing aspects of spring. I've been gardening, cooking, writing, reading...stopping to smell the roses whenever possible. ;)
ReplyDeleteThe short flippant answer to that question is 'yes, if I want to stay employed'. But it's more complex than that really...the emotional toll these seasons take on me is huge, but I do love what I do and I'm built for this kind of work. The end is in sight for these long stints out and I'll welcome the change of lifestyle when it comes...but there will be parts that I'll miss greatly.
DeleteThe question is whether the job does that to my body/mind or do I do it because I haven't learned to handle all the emotional stress in a healthy way? Maybe a little of both but I can say that I'm working hard on the latter...and it is the sole reason that my back, shoulders, and mind were different this winter...the job stress stayed the same.
It's lilacs where I'm at and never fear...I'm breathing them in as much as I can! ;)
At least you are recognizing the signs at the onset now. The stressors may still be there, but at least you have a fighting chance ;) Glad you're finding moments.
ReplyDeleteI've been reading. Reading. and reading some more. Knitting a bit. Working as required. Being outside. Walking. Breathing. Composing in my head. The usual :)
Yes...recognizing is the first step and every day that passes, I handle the rest just a little bit better. An ongoing journey for sure!
DeleteI'm pleased to hear you are reading so much...with you in mind I decided to share on the blog a challenge that I'm going to start (I just posted it). That doesn't mean you have participate, but maybe consider it... ;)
Walking, breathing, composing...'the usual' sounds perfect.
i'm behind in blog reading again... by now you're probably already off in the field.
ReplyDeletei hope that your season goes well. sending lots of positive energy your way!
Yup...but no worries! Thanks for the positive energy...I think we'll need it!
ReplyDelete